I’ve held this post back for a month now. But, it’s been nagging at me. Reminding me that I should post it and get these words out of my busy, racing mind. That’s one of the reasons why I write, I guess. I have to. There are days I wake up and literally see words scrolling through my mind like the Dow Jones stock screen. They race by and repeat. Sometimes they get past before I can grab them and shape them into some clearer thought. Not sure why these particular words tell me their message is so important. But, they have a story to tell. And Writing is just part of who I am. Enough said.
June 2017 — Today I watched my daughter’s heart break. And it was devastating.
She’s in Middle School now — known in my day as “Junior High” — the time when Drama truly begins.
A few days ago, we shopped for a dress she could wear to her school’s Spring Fling. She was so excited about this event and found her “dream dress.” It was sweet and lovely and she looked beautiful. We sent a photo to her two BFF’s moms so they could share it with their girls. Best Friend’s since kindergarten, they had made plans to hang out during the dance.
But last night that all changed. And what changed that? It’s middle school, can you guess?
Both of her friends now have “dates” to hang out with, leaving my daughter on her own.
She was heart-broken. Her best-laid plans to hang out solely with her BFFs — just like they used to do and have always done — shattered with a phone call. Oh, she was happy for her friends. She’s glad they are happy too. She doesn’t want them to “ship” her and find her a date. She’s not at that point yet. She just wants it to be like it’s always been.
But, the only thing constant in our lives is change.
Being honest here — Change sometimes just sucks. Especially when it comes to the people in our lives. People ebb and flow in our lives, moving in and out like the tide. Gracing us with their presence one minute and disappearing into the shadows the next. Sometimes they leave us or choose others instead and that hurts. No way around it. It just does.
The cause varies. People move away. They find other friends or choose activities that don’t resonate with you and move on. They are busy. They get different jobs. They develop other interests. Relationships grow apart at times. People pull away for one reason or another. Sometimes you understand; sometimes it’s a mystery. And sometimes, distance, choices or some situation simply end a friendship. Cuts it on the dotted line and removes the tether that connects you.
There are relationships that sputter or fade out for a bit, returning rejuvenated later. Others are strong enough to weather the struggle, distance or infrequent face to face time. I personally have friends and family in other cities who I’m as close to today — if not closer — than when we were next door to (or in the same house as) each other. Thanks to “social media,” relationships can reconnect even after years pass! Heck, Facebook has enabled me to find friends from Cooks Corners, TJ Junior High and VHS and renew old friendships. But some run their course and the light dims or goes out.
Doesn’t matter. The future is unclear. Right now, my daughter hurts. Change hurts sometimes. It’s uncomfortable. It shakes things up. I don’t always like it. I’m a sensitive, sentimental spirit. As curious and adventurous as I am, I settle in and develop deep bonds with those I care for … as does my daughter. We are fierce friends and would defend those we love with swords blazing. We feel deeply. And we bleed when hurt.
But relationships can change over time … over seconds. Our needs, goals and hopes evolve as we do. Change comes into our lives no matter how we may resist it.
Reminds me of this Flavia Quote …
But sometimes even footprint leavers have a time limit in your life — a limited number of pages of dialogue before their scene eventually plays out and they make a grand or quiet exit. They touch you, change you, revive you, encourage you, or influence you in a way that alters your mental, physical, spiritual or emotional state. And then they fade to black. La, the end. It’s not good or bad. It’s just what it is.
As I listened to her talk, I couldn’t help but recall moments like hers in my own life. Flashes like movies played in my mind of horrible days at Cooks Corners, TJ and VHS — even instances more recent. I remember times when my life encountered Change despite all my wishes that it would remain status quo. And my heart broke for her as it did when I first felt the pangs of Change rupture relationships in my life.
It’s not always bad. Change can usher in wonderful things. But, in its initial disruptive moments, all you feel is confusion and loss.
So, as I held my sobbing daughter, I didn’t tell her everything would be okay. I didn’t tell her to calm down. Yes, things were changing and different. So, I just told her to Breathe and Be Strong. That it might not be easy, but to take one moment at a time. To be true to herself. To love her friends and enjoy what they did share — not what they could not.
The only thing constant in our lives is Change. Whether we like it or not.
Note to readers: My daughter and her friends have a solid friendship. They worked past this blip. Oh, the boys are still around. There are disruptions and disagreements. New energies that come along and they learn to deal with in their way. But, because — bottom line — they care so deeply for each other and choose to keep their connection strong, I think they will weather the storm. Time will tell. But I have faith.